


Caring Is Not an Advantage

by Slutty_Merlin



Series: The Caring Series [1]
Category: Detroit: Become Human (Video Game)
Genre: Connor and Nines are brothers, Connor is a bro, Gavin is diabetic, Honestly my pacing is absolute shit I'm sorry, How Do I Tag, I'm very mean to Gavin, Implied/Referenced Rape/Non-con, Not beta'd we die like men, Other Additional Tags to Be Added, RK900 is Nines, Rape/Non-con Elements, Torture, subtle Hank/Con
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-08-15
Updated: 2018-08-20
Packaged: 2019-06-27 15:37:37
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Major Character Death, Rape/Non-Con
Chapters: 8
Words: 13,009
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15688368
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Slutty_Merlin/pseuds/Slutty_Merlin
Summary: All that matters is the investigation. There is no time for Nines to be worried about his feelings for Gavin- all that matters is finding him, no matter what the outcome.





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> So like. I don't know how to tag, whoops. Anyway. I felt the need to write pure, unadulterated angst. It's trash. But it's fine. Everything's fine. I literally have to leave for work in four minutes.

_ “Hey, Nines?” _

_ “Hmm?” _

_ “How come you’re so…stoic. Aren’t you a deviant?” _

_ “Quite right. My personality is actually a key feature in my deviancy, believe it or not. Actually, I was supposed to be friendlier than Connor.” _

_ “Pfft. Really?” _

_ “Mmhmm. I was made to better integrate and adapt with humans. Meaning following orders and requests without hesitation, and adjusting my responses to, well, fit in with different types of social groups.” _

_ “Heh. I guess that makes sense. So what made you so…?” _

_ “To put it simply, I…saw just how  _ nice _ Connor was in every situation. He seems all too easy to take advantage of. That…it’s a little too close to my programming for comfort. And make no mistake, that’s absolutely fine if he’s comfortable like that, if it makes him happy. But he aims to please, and that’s where he and I differ.” _

_ “Heh. Barely been awake for a year and you’re already a cynic. Guess that’s why you don’t put up with my shit.” _

_ “Precisely.” _

***

Memories. That’s all Gavin can fall back on now. He’s been holed up for God only knows how many days. His head is pounding, he’s hot and cold all at the same time, his mouth is dry. He…he misses Nines. He misses Tina, and Chris. Hell, he even misses Hank and Connor in some fucked up way. Even those two would be a more welcomed sight than this hole, day after day.

Gavin doesn’t remember much of the last few days of his freedom. What he does remember is pretty fuzzy. Probably the drugs being continuously pumped into him.

Ah, yes. His new friend. Gavin sees him a few times a day, when he gets his daily dose of whatever the hell this is. Bastard gives him enough to make him docile, but not enough to make him blissfully unaware. So he’s awake and comprehending when he’s used and humiliated in every way possible.

(That’s not the scary part though. No, the scary part is that he knows what medications Gavin already had to take on a daily basis. He knew just the right amount of Humalog he had to take when he was force-fed his meals, knew just when he had to take his Toujeo every day.)

Memories. That’s all he has. That’s all he can use to escape his hell. When rough hands are gripping his hips with bruising force, he tries to remember soft, gentle hands all but caressing him. When that awful voice is whispering degradations in his ear, he tries to remember the cool, calm, and oddly affectionate voice showering him with compliments he didn’t deserve. When he’s forced to stare into harsh, cold eyes, he tries to remember the steel gray, holding such a surprising amount of warmth and, dare he say it, love.

When his captor is showing him the ugly side of humanity, he clings to the memory of the side of Nines that only Gavin is allowed to see.

***

“You okay?” Nines glances up from his desk to his predecessor. This is a daily thing now. Connor will stop at his desk, all soft eyes and gentle concern, and ask after his well-being. It’s been a week now, since Gavin went missing. Every day, Connor asks him how he’s doing.

Nines hates it. Now is not the time to be concerned for his wellbeing, brothers though they might be. Now is the time to buckle down and find Gavin, with what little evidence they had. Frustratingly little, if Nines was being honest, but he’s nothing if not adaptable to unforseen circumstances.

“I’m fine, Connor, thank you.” Nines replies. He can’t justify snapping at Connor, to risk hurting his feelings, so he doesn’t.

“How’s Cleo doing?” Connor wasn’t skilled in small talk to begin with, even more so now that he’s deviated and proved himself to be painfully awkward, genuinely not adept at picking up on social cues. Asking after Gavin’s cat is not what needs to be done, right now.

“She’s fine. Eats too much, and when she’s not asleep she’s in my face.” A lot like Gavin really, save for the overeating. Heh, the only reason Gavin ever ate anything substantial was because of Nines, although undereating could cause some nasty side-effects with-

This has nothing to do with the investigation.

“Cute.” Connor coos quietly. “You have cat hairs all over your clothes. She must like you.” this is true. She likes him better than Gavin, even.

“She does.” Nines turns his attention back to his terminal, wanting this conversation to be over so he can focus on finding his partner.

Connor rocks back on his heels, a rather human idiosyncracy he’d never been programmed with, but picked up anyway. Usually to unknowingly display his discomfort in awkward situations, such as this.

“So…Lieutenant Anderson and I are going to head up to his apartment again, to see if we missed anything. Would you like to join us?”

Nines holds back a sigh. They’ve been through that apartment with a fine-toothed comb. It’s highly doubtful they’ve missed anything, especially with both an RK800 and RK900 model. But Nines can understand. Connor probably feels as useless as he does.

“Sure, okay.” He gets up, brushes as much of Cleo’s fur off his button down as possible, and grabs his jacket. “Let’s go.” Connor merely nods, and scurries over to his Lieutenant, the latter nodding at something Connor says and getting up from his desk with a groan.

 

Nines is banished to the backseat as they drive over to Gavin’s apartment. Not that he minds; it’s amusing to see the lieutenant’s hands twitch on the steering wheel every so often, refraining from resting his hand on Connor’s knee or shoulder, obviously trying to refrain from touching Connor in some way.

They should just come out with their relationship already. It’s not like nobody has it figured out by now. They’re not very subtle.

“You sure you’re alright with this, kid?” when Nines looks up, Hank is meeting his eyes through the rearview mirror.

“Why wouldn’t I be?”

“…no reason, I guess. But your relationship with Reed was less than inconspicuous.” Hank shrugs, and Connor nods slowly next to him.

_ ‘You’re one to talk.’ _ Nines thinks. He doesn’t dwell on the fact that he wishes Hank would stop talking about Gavin like he was already dead.

“…my personal feelings can’t get in the way of the investigation, Lieutenant.” NInes answers. “If we want to find Gavin, we must use everything at our disposal- double our efforts, since we don’t have much evidence to work with.” Hank visibly hesitates, before averting his eyes.

“Right.”

Nines merely turns his gaze back out the window, pretending not to hear Hank’s muttering of “fucking androids” under his breath.

***

“We’re going to try something new today.” 

Gavin doesn’t like how gleeful his captor sounds. He doesn’t like that he woke up in chains, arms stretched uncomfortably above his head, toes barely touching the floor.

He doesn’t like that he’s sober for this.

“Fuck. You.” he spits. A stupid idea, really. He knows it as soon as his “friend” lays a stinging blow on his cheek.

“Someone so pretty shouldn’t use such foul language.” the man grabs his chin all to gently, soothing his stinging cheek with the other hand. All Gavin can do is snarl at him. “Now, don’t be like that. We’re gonna have fun.”

“This is your idea of fun?” Gavin snaps.

“Of course! Are you not enjoying yourself?”

“Hard to enjoy rape and torture.”

“Hm. What an ugly word.” the man muses. He turns around, rifling through a toolbox just across the way.

“Well, what else would you call it?” Gavin grumbles.

“I wouldn’t use such a nasty word when your body reacts so well.” Gavin wants to argue that yes, it is rape, because even though his body reacts positively, he’s not consenting. He’s a cop. He knows these things. He opens his mouth to remind his personal nightmare of this, but only lets out a choked noise at what he sees.

There, in his captor’s hands, is an honest to God cat of nine tails whip. It looks haphazard and handmade, the leather strips cut harshly, crudely made steel hooks hurriedly fastened to the ends of each tail.

“No, get the fuck away from me!” Gavin shouts, body jerking as he tries to get away as his monster moves towards him. “No!”

Leather whistles through the air. Gavin screams as the sharp hooks dig into his back, yanking the flesh away when they’re forced out.

The only thing blocking out the man’s gleeful laughter, and the sounds of leather on skin, is Gavin’s agonized screaming.


	2. Chapter 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Connor finds a new piece of evidence.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> OOF HERE WE GO. It's kinda short, but, meh.

_“Detective, have you taken your medications today?”_

_“Yeah, totally did.”_

_“You’re lying.”_

_“What? No I’m not. Hey, don’t sigh at me like that, asshole!”_

_“Detective Reed, I really must insist you take better care of yourself.”_

_“What do you care, tin can?”_

_“I care more than you realize, Detective.”_

_“…whatever.”_

 

***

 

The apartment is still in shambles. The knocked over picture frame still rests on the floor, the coffee table is still knocked over. Some cat food, from when either Gavin or his assailant upset the bowl, still lies strewn across the kitchen. The bookcase holding Gavin’s beloved paperback and hardcovers is still knocked over, his reading glasses still lay upside down on his still unfinished copy of Robin McKinley’s _Sunshine_.

“Geez. The least they could do for the guy is clean up.” Hank grumbles. Nines holds back his surprise- Hank and Gavin were hostile at the best of times.

“It’s pretty much all hands on deck right now, Lieutenant. Gavin may not be popular, but he’s a fellow officer.” Nines muses. He reaches down, picks up the picture frame, and sets it back on the end table where it belongs.

He ignores the unpleasant buzzing in his biocomponents as his eyes fall on the image of Gavin and himself, the day they went on their official first date. It’s a ridiculous photograph, taken as they sped down the biggest drop in a roller coaster; Nines’ face is impassive as always, but Gavin, however, has his arms thrown up in the air, eyes bulging, mouth wide open mid-scream. Quite stupid looking, but Nines remembers with fondness how Gavin tipped his head back and laughed when he saw it (“It looks like a meme!”) and insisted on paying for a copy.

Connor’s hand on his shoulder jolts him back into the present. Right. The investigation. No time to lose focus.

He moves onto the bedroom, reconstructing the scene for the hundredth time. Gavin was asleep on the left side of the bed. The attacker grabbed him by the hair, yanked him out, and Gavin fought his way free, stumbled out to the living room, where the fight continued. The assailant gained the upper hand, knocked Gavin unconscious, and dragged him out of the apartment in the dead of night. There was no CCTV footage, nobody woke up to the sounds of the struggle in the apartment, so there were no witnesses.

“There must be something.” Connor murmurs from behind him. “Something we didn’t catch before.”

“Connor-,”

“Hold that thought.” Connor, without any warning, drops to his stomach, looking under the bed.

“Connor?”

“I can’t believe neither of us thought to look down here. Oh, look, it’s that cat toy you’ve been looking for.” Connor’s voice is muffled, having stuck the upper half of his body beneath the bed frame. “Anyway. It’s likely that— ah! Here!” Connor crawls back out, standing to his feet and producing a…syringe? “Now, I don’t think Detective Reed is a recreational drug user.”

He is not. The only things Nines had ever analyzed were the trace amounts of his medication, the nicotine from his cigarettes, and the caffeine from his coffee. Occasionally, the thirium based lubricant that acted as Nines’ saliva-

“He is not. He is, however, Type One diabetic.”

“He doesn’t use syringes, does he?”

“Occasionally. Mostly he uses pens.”

“…are all his medications still here?”

“ …yes.”

“Nines…”

“I know full well the implications, Connor.”

“I just want to make sure you’re prepared for what we might—,”

“What traces are left in the syringe, Connor?” Nines interrupts. Connor’s concern is getting them nowhere. Though Nines has to ignore the clenching in his thirium pump even harder than before.

Connor pauses briefly, gives Nines an unreadable look, before testing the leftover traces of the drug in his usual, though admittedly very weird, way.

“Hm. It’s a substantial dosage of a sedative, this strand typically used as a date rape drug, and more often found as a powder or a pill. Strange that it’d be liquidized and injected. Good thing it wasn’t anything too much stronger.”

“Likelihood of overdose?”

“Very low.”

“Good.”

Nines adjusts his reconstruction in a matter of seconds.

“Lieutenant, we may have found something!” Connor calls. Seconds later, Hank pops his head in the doorway and Connor holds up the syringe.

“Oh, well. That certainly changes things.”

The probability of success goes up by a percentage point.

“Connor, I’ve revised my reconstruction of the scene. Would you be so kind as to help me in showing the Lieutenant?”

“Sure thing, Nines.” Connor nods and lays down on the bed.

“Ugh, Jesus, it creeps me out when you two do this.”

“Please, Lieutenant, pay attention.” Nines gestures down at Connor, laying on his stomach. “Now, the assailant grabbed Detective Reed by the hair, most likely.” Nines showcases this, careful not to cause Connor any real discomfort, slowly, to allow the information to sink in. “They stabbed him in the neck with a syringe, like so, and it’s likely that Detective Reed elbowed him to get away.” Connor plays along expertly, moving out to the hallway with Nines and Hank in tail.

“Going by the potency of the drug, and the nature of the administration, Gavin would have fallen about here.” Connor makes a show of falling to the ground, before slowly pushing himself up.

“The assailant knew he wasn’t going to move very fast, so he probably took his time.” Nines explains. “Gavin had just enough time and just enough strength to pull the bookcase down as he fled into the living room. It would’ve taken some time for the assailant to move it out of the way, but at that point, Gavin’s motor skills and cognitive abilities would’ve begun to deteriorate fairly quickly. He himself knocked over the picture frame, and tripped over the coffee table on his pursuit to the kitchen.” Connor, careful not to hurt himself, acts this out.

“His goal was to make it to the fire escape.” Connor pulls himself up and reaches the window in the kitchen, Nines hot on his heels. “He had just enough time to open the window…”

“Before the assailant grabbed him, likely by the armpits, and dragged him back towards the front door.” Connor flails when Nines has him in his grasp, foot connecting with where Cleo’s food bowl would have been had Nines not taken it to his own apartment.

“At this point, Gavin was likely docile enough to manipulate in any way the assailant wanted.” Nines manipulates Connor into a different position, arm slung over his shoulder, so his toes would drag on the carpet, contributive to the drag marks Nines had seen.

“Why not just take him down the fire escape?” Hank questions, arms crossed over his chest. Connor rights himself, dusting off his jacket and straightening his tie.

“Too risky. A man of Gavin’s height and weight would be difficult to drag down the fire escape. It’d be too noisy and the attacker would’ve run the risk of dropping him by accident.”

“With this new information, it’s safe to say that, to any witness, it would simply look like a friend was leading a drunk man out of the building.” Nines explains.

“And that would also put to rest the suspicions aroused by the sounds of things being knocked over in here.” Hank nods, scratching his beard in thought.

“Precisely.” Nines and Connor reply in unison.

“The whole ordeal would’ve taken approximately two minutes.” Connor muses.

Probability of success jumps by two percent. Though the success rate is still frustratingly under fifty percent.

“So, that clears some things up.” Hank grumbles.

“Yet we still don’t know if he’s alive or dead. All his medication is still here, and, to make up for the lack of insulin his pancreas doesn’t produce, it’s likely that he could develop diabetic ketoacidosis, which can be life threatening.” Connor says so quietly, possibly for Nines’ sake.

“And we don’t know what his attacker was trying to achieve. If this was simply a random attack, or premeditated.” he blatantly ignores Connor’s misplaced concern.

“It seems too careful to be random.” Connor adds.

“I agree. The lack of fingerprints makes it difficult to discern whether or not the assailant was human or android, though there are traces left by latex gloves.”

“So they could very well be human.” Hank steps in.

“They could.” Nines muses. “But don’t rule anything out. An android could easily don a pair of gloves to throw off suspicion. As for build, we’re probably looking for a male, approximately six feet tall, medium build. Someone that, though easily able to overpower Gavin, wouldn’t take any chances, thus relying on sedatives.”

“So. Half of Detroit.” Hank grouses.

“We can consider anyone who might harbor a personal grudge against Gavin.” Connor supplies.

“So…half of Detroit.”

“Right.”

“We won’t get anywhere without more evidence.” Nines sighs. “Let’s consider what we already have, back at the station.”

“Good idea.” Connor nods.

Nines hesitates when Connor and Hank leave the apartment. He glances back at the end table and, after a moment of consideration, pockets Gavin's glasses and the copy of  _Sunshine_.

 

***

 

Gavin is trembling. He knows, he just _knows_ , that his blood sugar is reaching dangerously low levels. His back is throbbing, though the man cleaned and dressed his wounds.

_‘How kind.’_ Gavin sneers silently. Part of him wishes this bastard would get it over with already. Just end his torment, so he’d never have to see that ugly mug twist into an expression of sick enjoyment ever again. But another, bigger part of him fights it. Fights to stay alive even through the pain and the humiliation. It’s the same part of him that stayed pushed down for so long, shadowed by his deep hatred for androids. The part of him that let Nines in, that let him become a close friend, a confidant.

It’s the same part of him that fell in love with Nines to begin with.

“Your stupid friends were poking around your apartment again.” The Man sounds royally pissed off. Usually, that’s bad news for Gavin. “They think they can take you away from me.”

“You took me away from them.” Gavin bites out. “Even Steven.” he expects the punch to the gut, but it still knocks the wind out of him.

“I wish you wouldn’t be like this, Gavin. You know I hate punishing you.”

This guy’s mood swings gives him whiplash.

“Yeah. Right.”

“Hm. Maybe I should send them a message. I already have the camera set up, see? That stupid fucking android that’s always hanging around you, maybe he needs to see that you belong to me now. That you belong _with_ me.”

Gavin can’t help the flutter of panic at the thought of Nines seeing him like this. Broken down, beaten and bruised.

“No, wait a second, I-!”

“You’re live, Gavin.”

“Fuck you!” Gavin thrashes against his binds, not daring to look at the camera. The Man tsks quietly.

“Come on, Gavin. Say hello to your friends. I’m sure they’re dying to see you.”

Gavin trembles softly. He won’t cry, not in front of this odious, pathetic excuse of a human, and certainly not for the rest of the DPD to see. He barely even let his guard down for Nines, for Christ’s sake.

“Stop being difficult, Gavin. Go on, tell them how you’re doing.”

Still, Gavin says nothing. He couldn’t, even if he wanted to. Anything he comes up with dies in his throat.

“Well if that’s how it’s going to be. Let’s show them how much fun we have together.”

Wait, no!

“No, wait! I-I…I’ll be good! Don’t-!” his rather pathetic pleas are cut off when his captor makes his way over, some kind of rod in hand that Gavin doesn’t recognize.

He jolts at the sudden shock. Any attempts to hold back tears are proven futile, as he’s shocked again, and again, and again. It feels like hours, days even, and he nearly sobs in relief when the man puts the cattle prod away.

Of course, it’s only just beginning.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Honestly take a shot every time I use the word "attacker" or "assailant"  
> Sorry if I get some of the details for Type One wrong, I'm just going off of research and what I've observed in my mom.
> 
> Follow me on Twitter! @Kaits_Corner


	3. Chapter 3

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Nines receives a surprise.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> What's this??? Another chapter??? Earlier in the Day??? So like. I'm really horrible at actually getting stuff done, but here we are! Chapter four is underway, so, h o p e f u l l y I'll get it updated tomorrow too.  
> Trigger warning: graphic description of torture, and H E A V I L Y implied rape. I don't go into detail, but be forewarned. Also, anxiety attacks.  
> I hate myself for this fic every day.  
> Oof here we go.
> 
> Edit: I definitely had to fix Nines’ serial number. Whoops.

_“Hey, why do you…?”_

_“Why do I what?”_

_“Nevermind.”_

_“Detective, if there’s something on your mind, just say it.”_

_“It’s not important.”_

_“Hm.”_

_“…stop looking at me like that. It’s freaking me out.”_

_“I’m just looking at you like I normally look at you.”_

_“No you’re not, you’ve got this look like you’re trying to figure something out. I feel like a bug under a microscope.”_

_“I’m simply trying to understand you, Detective. Please, ask me what you wanted to ask me.”_

_“…why do you like. Hang out with me? Don’t you have anything better to do outside of work.”_

_“Oh, the answer to that is very simple.”_

_“Is that so?”_

_“Mmhm. It’s simply because I enjoy your company, Gavin.”_

_“…you’re a crazy fucker, you know that?”_

 

***

 

Gavin isn’t tied up anymore. Not that it matters; he couldn’t move if he wanted to. His body aches, he feels weak, cold. He’s tired. He just wants to see Nines, wants to get out of here, be held in those strong arms again, wants Nines to tell him that everything will be alright.

But it won’t be. He knows that. He doesn’t even know where he is, or how long it’s been. He’s bleeding, and he’s hurt. He wants Nines, he just wants Nines.

“Maybe we should send your friends another gift along with the video.” The Man muses. Gavin says nothing. He can’t muster the energy. The Man cups his face, and his gentleness makes Gavin want to throw up. “I think I have the perfect idea.”

Gavin barely registers fingers lacing with his own briefly, doesn’t want to. He could try to fool himself, try to tell himself it’s the man he loves, but it’s not, it’s _not_ , it’s-

“Hold still for a minute, Gavin.” Like he has a choice. “This might hurt.”

Well, no shit, Sherlock. Gavin’s been in a state of pain since he woke up in this hellhole. Gavin would tell him to do his worst, but he’s seen him at his best thus far. He’s not sure he wants to see The Man at his worst.

The Man pulls out a knife. No surprise there, he’s always taunting Gavin with it. Though, he’s never used it on him, only-

“Fuck!” Gavin would have screamed, but all he manages is a raspy shout. He tries his hardest not to whimper and squirm in pain as his goddamn _finger_ is sawed off, but all his attempts are in vain.

“You’re so beautiful when you cry, Gavin.”

“Go to hell.”

 

***

 

Nines doesn’t need to go into standby as often as someone like Connor might. His absolute limit is three weeks, before he starts getting sluggish and exhibiting symptoms of something like fatigue in humans. After four weeks, his systems would take over and go into standby automatically, which, wasn’t a pleasant experience.

He’d gone into standby willingly just two days before Gavin’s disappearance, so why is he so… _exhausted_? And furthermore, why is he exiting standby when he has no recollection of ever having entered it? When he runs a diagnostic, everything is fine. He decides to ask Connor about it later.

Cleo lounges on his lap, purring contentedly. It’s the most comfortable she’s been in his otherwise bare apartment. With a soft smile, he reaches down and scratches the cat’s ears. She purrs louder, leaning up into his touch. It’s almost ironic that Gavin would have chosen such an affectionate breed as a ragdoll, but he must admit, Cleo is cute.

“Alright girl, I’ve gotta get to work. Up.” Cleo gives an indignant meow as she’s ushered off of Nines’ lap. “Yes, I’m sorry. I’ll give you more attention later, I promise.” Cleo sighs, much too long suffering for a cat, and sulks off to her food bowl. Nines fills it wordlessly, changes into a pair of trousers that are slightly less covered in cat hair, and opens the door-

Only to find a box, crudely taped up, devoid of any address, right outside his door. On it, in bold black lettering, it simply says,

**A GIFT FROM ME TO YOU**

Nines scans the box, and, after deeming it safe to open, picks it up, rips the tape off. He opens it up and-

It’s a human ring finger. He knows, before he even analyzes it, he just _knows_ that it’s Gavin’s. On it, a simple, thick, silver band that looks achingly familiar.

Hold on.

No, no that can’t be right.

Nines nearly drops the box as he races back into his apartment, towards the bedroom that only served its purpose on nights that Gavin stayed over. Cleo scurries out of his way as he all but lunges for the bedside table, yanking open the drawer. A small box still rests there, one that Nines had ensured that Gavin wouldn’t have known about, nosy as he was.

The box is empty.

Nines feels like his systems are overheating, his simulated breathing picking up double time to make up for it. His thirium pump beats much faster than what is probably healthy for him, his biocomponents buzzing in response. When he looks down at his hands, they’re trembling.

The suspect knows where he lives. _The suspect knows where he lives_. And he knows how to get inside. How could he have been so careless?

Is this what an anxiety attack feels like?

Connor pings him suddenly.

 

_RK800 #313 248 317-51: Nines, you’re going to want to get down to the station as soon as you’re able._

**_RK900 #313 248 317-87: Why, what’s going on?_ **

_RK800 #313 248 317-51: I received a rather troubling transmission a few minutes ago. Meet Hank and I in the evidence room, please._

**_RK900 #313 248 317-87: Sure thing. I’ll be there as soon as I can._ **

_RK800 #313 248 317-51: …Nines, are you okay? You seem troubled._

**_RK900 #313 248 317-87: I’ll tell you when I get there. I’ll be there soon._ **

 

With that, Nines cuts off the connection. Briefly, he considers dropping Cleo off with North or Markus, before assuring himself that if the suspect wanted to harm Cleo, he would have done it by now. Closing the box and making doubly sure that his apartment is locked, Nines hurries to the station, reaching it in record time, and all but sprinting down to evidence.

Hank and Connor stare down at the table, looking up only when he’s arrived.

“The suspect knows my address.” Nines notes with some curiosity that he sounds vaguely breathless.

“What?” Connor demands. Nines holds up the box.

“This was outside my door this morning.” he explains. He hesitates, before setting the box down on the table, barely noticing the displayed video, and opens it. Connor’s eyes widen, becoming almost comically big, as Hank curses under his breath. “That ring there? As far as I knew it had been sitting in my bedside table. Not even Gavin knew about it.”

The only times Gavin had been in his room, he’d been otherwise engaged in sleeping, or in sex, to snoop around Nines’ drawers. So as far as Nines knew, he was the only person who was aware of the ring hiding just out of sight.

“So, he broke into your house, stole it, and delivered it back with Gavin’s sawed off finger.” Hank grumbles. “The fuck is this? _Criminal Minds_?”

“Lieutenant, please.”

“Sorry.”

“It’s becoming clear that our suspect has an obsession with Gavin.” Connor muses.

“He’s becoming sloppy.” Nines answers. “I’ve analyzed the fingerprints left on the ring. They belong to a man named Nathan Wilkes.” Connor exchanges a glance with Hank.

“That…matches up to the evidence we have compiled.” Connor moves the box from the table, setting it among the precious little evidence they already have.

Displayed on the table is a video, and in it, Gavin is horrifyingly displayed, arms stretched too far above his head, face distorted in agony. Beside him stands Wilkes, holding a cattle prod.

“Just…” Connor searches for the words, holding his hands up. “Be prepared. It’s rather shocking.” he rewinds the video to the beginning.

_“You’re live, Gavin.”_

_“Fuck you!”_

Gavin is thrashing, and snarling. Nines is weirdly pleased to see him still acting like himself. Of course he wouldn’t go down without a fight. He remains as resolute as he can be. Until…until the man begins to shock him with a cattle prod.

It doesn’t end there.

Nines watches on silently as the man continues to torture Gavin. Whips him, chokes him nearly to the point of blacking out. And that’s not the worst of it. No, that’s just a warmup. Wilkes leaves Gavin alone for a few minutes, the latter trembling, holding back tears.

_“What the fuck is that?”_ Gavin’s voice is rough and raspy, much too quiet, much too unlike the normally loud and abrasive detective.

He breaks out agonized in screaming when Wilkes presses a brand into his chest. He jerks to get away, fresh tears spilling down his face. Nines’ thirium pump beats even faster, fists clenched at his sides.

And still, it doesn’t end.

There’s a metal clang as Wilkes throws the brand aside. Nines clenches his jaw as this…monster, walks behind Gavin, _his_ Gavin. Nobody else can touch him like Nines does, nobody else can hold him like Nines does.

Yet here they are.

All Nines can do is watch as Wilkes takes Gavin from behind. Resists the urge to close his eyes, though the images will forever be burned into his optical units. Resists the urge to cover his ears, even as Gavin sobs and begs for Wilkes to _stop, please just stop already!_

Hank and Connor refuse to meet his eyes as the video ends. Connor, with his kicked puppy look. Hank, with his jaw set and arms crossed. Nines realizes his jaw is clenched so hard it could cause damages. Slowly, he forces himself to relax. He takes a deep breath he doesn’t need.

“We should analyze the video. See if anything hints at where Wilkes might have him.”

 

***

 

Honestly, at least Gavin is alive. That’s good, Connor thinks. He may be in pain, but he’s alive and that’s all that currently matters. They’ll find him, Connor knows. They have to, if only for Nines’ sake.

Speaking of Nines. Connor has absolutely no idea why Markus chose Connor, of all people, as a mentor. He’s the least qualified android in Detroit to guide Nines through deviancy. But, Connor’s grateful. He loves Nines, he really does. Nines, the closest thing Connor will ever get to having a little brother, is…adorable, in his own way. His curiosity is matched only by Connor’s, and, although he’s stoic, there’s a part of him that only a few people are allowed to see. The part of him that cries during sad movies, the part of him that openly laughs at one of Gavin’s stupid jokes. Connor and Gavin happened to be the only two people who had the privilege of seeing him like that.

But now Gavin’s missing, and Connor’s been shut out. He’s trying his hardest to understand. If something happened to Hank, he thinks he’d react the same way. But at the same time he’s not sure. At the same time, he thinks he’d seek out the comfort of his friends.

Connor lets out a sigh as he sits down next to his brother outside the station. Nines stares straight ahead, flipping a coin over his finger much like Connor himself.

“So…” he starts. Nines only glances over before fixing his gaze forward again. “You were planning to propose?”

“I was.” his voice is flatter than normal, emotionless. But Connor knows that, despite Nines’ absolute refusal to show any kind of emotion, he’s crushed with grief, anguish and worry for his partner, his would be fiancé.

“We’ll find him.” Connor tells him gently.

“I know.”

Connor tries not to be frustrated. He just wishes Nines would _talk_ to him.

“Are you okay, Nines? You seem tired.”

“I’m fine.”

He’s not fine, Connor knows. And he aches with the thought that Nines would lie to him, rather than tell him how he feels. They’re usually close, Connor muses silently. He recalls the night Nines had come to visit him one day, frustration coming off him in waves, explaining to him how he felt for Gavin, how he didn’t know what to do about it.

He recalls the day his “birthday” rolled around, and had smiled dazzlingly when Connor gifted him a new, completely unnecessary, but still very appreciated, watch. He still wears it on his wrist, and Connor has caught Nines soothing himself with the sound of the gentle ticking.

“If you ever want to talk…” Connor offers.

“I know where to find you.” Nines gets up, not offering his usual soft smile, barely even glances in Connor’s direction. “We should get back to work.”

“Right…”

Connor lets out a soft sigh as Nines retreats inside the building. Even more frustrating than getting nowhere with their case, is getting nowhere with Nines.

Connor just hopes he’ll be okay.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Oof, I'm sorry.  
> I really needed a bit of Connor's POV in this, so, there you go! My sweet boy looking after Nines like a good big brother.  
> See you guys tomorrow? Maybe? Hopefully?
> 
> Follow me on Twitter! @Kaits_Corner


	4. Chapter 4

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Nines decides to stay at New Jericho for a while.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Bit of a shorter chapter today, loves. Just a bit more to go!  
> Pray for my boy, please.

_ “What’s so funny, Detective?” _

_ “I just realized. You’re totally a Timelord.” _

_ “Er…” _

_ “No, seriously, think about it. You’ve got your thirium pump thingy, and then the regulator. You’ve got two hearts. You’re a Timelord!” _

_ “Heh. I guess I can see where you’re coming from.” _

_ “You’ve gotta cosplay as The Doctor now.” _

_ “Gavin, no.” _

_ “Gavin, yes!” _

_ “Oh, for the love of rA9. You’re lucky I love you.” _

_ “You…you love me?” _

_ “…I suppose I do, yes.” _

_ “Uh…” _

_ “You’re blushing.” _

_ “Shut up. I love you too, you overgrown toaster.” _

 

***

 

Eventually, Nines elects to take Cleo and go to New Jericho for a while. He’d lived there for a while before his employment at the DPD, before Connor took him under his wing. There’s no harm in going back, he supposes, until he can find a new, more secure place for him and Gavin to live.

That is, if he ever gets to be with Gavin again.

Nines aggressively pushes that thought to the back of his mind. Moping around won’t help Gavin now. He needs to focus on the investigation.

“Ah, hello Nines.” Markus greets him just outside the door like he knew Nines would be there. He probably did. “And hello Cleo.” he reaches forward and scratches the cat’s chin, an action much appreciated as she leans into Markus’ touch and closes her eyes in contentment. 

“You’re so spoiled, Cleo.” Nines tells her softly. She purrs in response.

“So what can I do for you?” Markus asks. He’s stopped petting Cleo, much to her chagrin.

“I’m afraid my apartment’s been…compromised.” Nines replies. “The suspect that abducted Gavin apparently knows how to get inside.” Markus’ face darkens briefly. “Is it alright if I stay here for a few days?”

“Of course. Stay as long as you need.” he opens the door and ushers Murphy inside. “Besides, I know North will be excited to see a certain someone. She’s a sucker for cats. And dogs. And, basically, any living creature that isn’t human.” Markus chuckles.

“Heh. Connor is much the same, though his intrigue and love for humans is unparalleled.” 

“Trust me, I know.” Markus leads him through the building. New Jericho is, well, very nice. Doubling as a sort of halfway home for androids to find their way, and an orphanage for children, human and android alike, waiting for a family to adopt them. The halls are filled with paintings by none other than Carl Manfred, and Markus himself. If they were to stop by the recreation room, they’d see a large mural, depicting Markus’ hope for peace between androids and mankind. If they were to stop by the gymnasium, they’d see a mural of the key Jericho members, probably done by Carl. And, interestingly enough, one on the other wall, interpreting Connor leading the army of androids through Hart Plaza. 

That one, in particular, is Nines’ favorite. The stubborn set to his brother’s jaw, the fire in his eyes. He hadn’t seen it first hand, but he’d heard plenty of stories from the androids he’d woken up that night.

“So, how’s the investigation going?” Markus asks conversationally. Nines is secretly grateful that he’s masking his concern for now.

“It’s rather…slow.” Nines admits. “We have very little evidence, but we’ve identified the suspect. Unfortunately for us, he’s been somewhat off the radar recently. Unemployed, technically homeless. The only connection we’ve found is through an anti-android hate group, but it’s irrelevant to the case.”

“Maybe not.” Markus offers. “Maybe he’s more doing it to you, than Gavin.” Nines hesitates.

“We’ve considered that. But it seems more like he’s had an obsession with Gavin.”

Markus nods slowly, as if considering this.

“I know it’s a long shot, but, I’ll let you know if anything’s come up around here.” Markus tells him. They reach a room that Nines is familiar with, one that he spent the first few months of his life in.

“Thank you, Markus.”

“Sure thing.” Markus shrugs. “And, Nines?”

“Yeah?”

“You’ll find him, I know you will.”

Nines can only nod, and Markus leaves him alone.

He takes a moment to set up Cleo’s things. Her food bowl, her litter box, as Cleo investigates the room. It’s suited to everything an android needs, so not much, but Cleo deems it acceptable anyway. She sniffs around a bit more, before sitting down in the middle of the room, head cocked to the side as she mewls quietly at Nines, as if asking him something.

“You’re looking for Gavin, aren’t you?” another meow in response. “I know.” Nines sighs. “I miss him too.” Cleo makes her way over, winds herself between his legs as if trying to comfort him.

Nines finds that he doesn’t mind it so much.

 

***

 

Gavin stares, eyes glassy, at the ceiling. The pain has started to ebb some, at least. Not like  _ that _ would last for very long.

He tries not to be cynical about it, to tell himself that it’ll be okay, that Nines will find him. That soon he’ll be back in his own bed, back in his love’s arms. He’ll spoil Cleo with all the back scratches and cat treats he can, he’ll finish reading  _ Sunshine _ while seated on Nines’ lap. He’ll go back to work and track down assholes like The Man and bring them to justice.

He only has himself for comfort right now.

The familiar sound of The Man’s shoes clicking down the stairs reaches his ears. Gavin curls in on himself even tighter than before, not wanting to deal with this right now. There’s a crinkle of bags, and the familiar feeling of a needle in his arm. Probably his humalog or something. 

“Eat.” there’s food being pressed to his lips, and, though he doesn’t wish to eat it, he doesn’t want to be force fed. That had not been a pleasant experience. Instead, he simply complies, hands shaking as he grips the energy bar. He finishes it in silence, and polishes off the bottle of water he’s being handed as well.

“I’m so glad I saved you from that android.” The Man sighs.

Wait, what?

“I promise it won’t come near you again. You don’t have to hide it anymore Gavin, I know you were unhappy.”

“You’re insane.” Gavin grumbles. “Actually insane.”

“So was that thing, holding you hostage like that.”

Jesus. Did this guy have multiple personalities or something?

“ _ You’re  _ holding me hostage.”

“Only for your own good Gavin.”

“He loves me.” nothing good can come from challenging his abductor like this. Gavin doesn’t care.

“It’s an android. It doesn’t feel anything, Gavin. It can’t love you like I do.”

Once upon a time, Gavin would have said the same thing. But after so long, after hearing Nines laugh, seeing him cry, after being made love to and being held, night after night, he knows it’s not true.

“You’re wrong.” Gavin rasps. “He, not it,  _ he _ loves me. And I love him too. You’re just a lonely, crazy fucker who- agh!” Gavin is cut off when a rough hand grabs his throat, squeezing tighter, and tighter.

A while ago, he would have loved it when Nines did this to him, would’ve encouraged it as he gasped and moaned beneath his lover, Nines knowing just how far he could take it.

Now, it only served to remind him that this was not Nines. This was his supposed stalker, the person obsessed with him.

Gavin gasps and chokes when The Man finally lets go, greedily gulping down air.

“You’ll learn to love me, Gavin.” The Man whispers against his ear. Gavin shudders, repulsed. “You’ll see. I’m the only one who can have you.”

 

***

 

For the millionth time that night, Connor replays the video. Hank can tell, just by looking at him. He looks relaxed enough, slumped against the arm of the couch, eyes closed. But his LED spins yellow, showing what he feels without him having to express it out loud, or physically with his face.

“Connor.” he snaps in the android’s face to snap him out of it. “Earth to Connor.” Connor’s eyes snap open, just like that.

“Sorry, Hank. Did you need something?”

“You keep watching that video.” Hank sits beside him on the couch, and immediately, Connor leans against him.

“Sorry, yeah, I just…” he shrugs helplessly. “I want to close this investigation. I feel like we’re wasting time.”

“Yeah, I get it.” Hank nods. “But don’t burn yourself out.”

“I’m just…worried, about Nines.” Connor closes his eyes again. “I feel like he’s shutting me out. And that…that  _ hurts _ , Hank. I wish he’d just talk to me.”

“He will when he’s ready to.” Hank brushes that one wayward curl from his forehead. “Give him time. He needs this, y’know? I’m not saying it’s okay to let him throw himself into his work forever, but for now we know that Gavin is alive. That’s enough, right?” Connor nods against him, finally looking up at him with those soft brown doe eyes of his.

“How come you always know just what to say, huh?” he asks, the softest of smiles gracing his features. Hank chuckles, presses a kiss to his LED.

“I’m just a wise old man, I guess.”

Connor delivers a playful smack to his chest, and they allow themselves to relax, just for the evening.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I needed some Hank/Con fluff to relieve some of the tension for this fic. I like. Suck at Hank's personality but eah. There we are.  
> And! Chapter five is already done, so you can look forward to that tomorrow!
> 
> Follow me on Twitter! @Kaits_Corner


	5. Chapter 5

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Gavin is found.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I would just like to start off by thanking everyone for their kudos and wonderful comments. They really mean a lot to me <3
> 
> Another shorter chapter today, loves. I've only got two more and then an epilogue. Everything is finished! So, yay?  
> Oof, case fics are definitely not my forte.
> 
> ....I'm so sorry.

_ “You’re angry.” _

_ “You’re fucking right I’m angry!” _

_ “I’m sorry…what have I done to upset you?” _

_ “You fuckin-! You don’t even know. Jesus, fuck, Nines.” _

_ “…is this about the incident earlier?” _

_ “Yes, you asshole! You could’ve died! You can’t just throw yourself into danger like that, what if you had gotten hurt!?” _

_ “I don’t feel pain, Gavin.” _

_ “That’s not the point here! Fuckin hell, Nines.” _

_ “I’m sorry, Gavin. I’m here still, aren’t I?” _

_ “I…yeah…” _

_ “I’m going to be here for a while, Gavin. Nothing’s going to take me away from you.” _

_ “...Fuckin’ sap.” _

_ “You love it.” _

_ “Yeah. Unfortunately, I love everything about you, you plastic prick.” _

_ “Heh. I love you too, Gavin.” _

 

***

 

Gavin has this bitter taste in his mouth like he  _ knows _ it’s about to get worse. He doesn’t know how he knows, but he knows. He can feel it in his very being. The Man hasn’t been around much today, but when he is, he’s muttering and he’s rambling and he’s paying no attention to Gavin. Normally, this would be a good thing. But he feels like it’s the beginning of the end, somehow.

Gavin doesn’t dare make a sound, doesn’t dare even move. He keeps his eyes trained on one spot, unable to look at The Man. He can’t. He’s afraid, properly terrified. So, like a child afraid of the monsters under his bed, he stares ahead at nothing, not daring to make a peep.

It only works so well. He can be only so quiet before The Man notices his silence. He stomps over, grabs Gavin by the hair in a way he’s used to. He reeks of booze.

“I’ll show them.” He’s muttering. “I’ll fucking show them.”

Gavin doesn’t want to think of what that means.

 

***

 

They chase useless leads. The group that Wilkes belongs to surely wouldn’t say anything, especially not to a couple of android detectives. They leave when a threat on both Nines and Connor’s lives are made. 

Wilkes’ previous employer at the pharmacy tells them nothing, as well. Say that he’d just up and walked out one day, taking as much insulin, both fast-acting and twenty four hour, as he could get his hands on. That answered that question for them, at least.

Connor and Nines pore over the video endlessly, for hours on end, trying to find something,  _ anything _ , that would give away Gavin and Wilkes’ location.

It’s Hank that finally finds something useful.

“He’s been spotted at several different convenience stores.” Hank tells them. “Nobody reported anything cause he just seemed like a normal, paying customer.”

Nines pulls up a map, pinning the locations as Hank reads them out. As Connor had said, he was getting sloppy. All of them center around one area in the outskirts of Detroit. It’s not even a twenty minute drive.

Most of the houses are abandoned. What had once been an up and coming area for the middle class is now fallen to ruin. It’s a perfect place to hide someone.

The question is, which house?

They use the clues they have in their possession. The structure of the basement, the lighting and the time of day the video was taken, narrowing it down to three houses. Two of them are next to houses that still happen to be occupied. Only one is completely abandoned.

They have their place. They only need to investigate.

 

***

 

The knife is driven into him, again and again. Gavin chokes on his own blood, bubbling out of his throat. He wonders if any of the stab wounds affect any arteries.

He refuses to believe it. He’s not dying in this hole. Not without seeing Nines one more time. So he endures, he holds on, even as the blood loss makes him dizzy.

 

***

 

It’s…unsettling, Nines decides, in this neighborhood. Some of the houses are still occupied legally but most of them have been long abandoned, home to either wild animals or junkies. The thought of Gavin being kept in a place like this…Nines clenches his fists. He’s going to get Gavin out of here, if it’s the last thing he does.

“I hope we’re right about this.” Hank grumbles. 

Nines hopes so, too. In an almost trance-like state, he walks up to the door. He knocks, announces rather loudly that he’s with the Detroit Police, in hopes that something will give them probable cause.

 

***

 

Gavin almost doesn’t believe his ears. That…that’s Nines’ voice. 

The Man stops what he’s doing. The knife, thankfully, has been thrown to the side for the time being, The Man haphazardly dressing his wounds. Not that it matters anyway. Gavin knows that some of the cuts are too deep; they need professional medical attention.

Well, at least he’s not dying in this hole.

Gavin looks over at the knife, he looks up at The Man.

This is probably a stupid idea. 

He takes a deep breath, and with everything he has, he screams Nines’ name at the top of his lungs.

 

***

Nines freezes for half a second, before bursting through the door. That was Gavin’s voice, he knows it. Gavin’s calling out to him, despite everything he’s gone through the past week. 

“Gavin, I’m coming!” he shouts, sprinting through the house, Connor hot on his heels. He takes the steps down to the basement two at a time, careful not to trip over the broken one.

He rounds the corner, and there’s Gavin,  _ beautiful, amazing _ Gavin, held up by one disgusting lowlife named Nathan Wilkes, knife pressed to his neck. Gavin’s head lolls to the side, eyes unfocused. He’s…well, he’s messed up. Sixteen visible stab wounds added to the tortures Wilkes had already inflicted on him. Nines knows they have to get him medical attention fast, knows they have to get Wilkes away from him as soon as they can.

“Stay back!” Wilkes is warning them.

“Hello, Nathan.” Connor says from right next to them. “My name is Connor.” Nines has never seen him do a negotiation before, but he finds he can’t focus on it, can only focus on Gavin.

“How do you know my name!?” Wilkes demands.

“I know a lot about you Nathan.” Connor takes a step forward, hands raised. “I’d advise you to put the knife down.”

“Stay the fuck away from him!” Wilkes pulls Gavin tighter against him, and Nines has to control himself, though he wants to lunge at the man, pull Gavin into safety with every fiber of his being.

“I know you won’t kill him, Nathan.” Connor is saying. “I know you love him too much.” the thought of that leaves a bad taste in Nines’ mouth. “But you’re hurting him, Nathan. You need to let him go.”

“Shut  _ up _ !” Wilkes screams, but Nines can see the grip of the knife loosening ever so slightly.

“He needs medical attention, Nathan.” Connor tells him, voice calm. “Just let us get him to a doctor.” Wilkes snarls at him.

“Like I’ll let one of you tin cans look after my Gavin.” 

Nines clenches his fists at his side. 

“Gavin doesn’t belong to you.” Hank is beside them now. “He’s a free man. Let him go, and I’ll personally make sure a human doctor looks after him.”

“Why should I trust you?” Wilkes narrows his eyes at him. “You work with these things.”

“Only by necessity.” Hank shrugs, and Nines silently commends him for the lie. “Just put the knife down, son.”

Slowly, achingly slowly, Wilkes does.

Three things happen at once.

Wilkes rushes Connor, who easily deflects the attack and cuffs him with no problem. Gavin crumples to the floor as Nines races towards him.

“Easy, Gavin, easy…” Nines murmurs. “I’ve got you.”

Gavin immediately relaxes into his hold, eyes closed, the softest of smiles on his face.

“I knew…” he coughs. “Fuck, sorry. I knew you’d be here…” Nines gently cards a hand through his hair, soothing him to the best of his abilities.

“I’ll always be here, Gavin.” Nines tells him.

“Heh…I love you, you overgrown toaster.” he rasps. Nines huffs out a soft chuckle.

“And I love you, you manchild.”

 

***

 

The doctors are quietly optimistic. They say it’s a miracle that Gavin even lived through it all. He may just make it through the night.

Connor watches Nines pace through the hallway, arms crossed, shoulders tense. The stark white Cyberlife jacket he never seemed to want to get rid of, is covered in Gavin’s blood. Every time Connor urges him to sit down, to relax for just a moment, he goes ignored.

So they continue to wait with bated breath.

Gavin has to be okay, Connor thinks. For Nines, he has to be okay.

 

***

 

At 3:17 in the morning, Gavin succumbs to his wounds.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Can Gavin even be tagged as a major character death??? Oh, well. Just to be safe, I guess.  
> I guess now would be a good time to reveal that this fic is more about Nines finding a healthy way to deal with his emotions. As you can probably see, it's a rough ride.
> 
> Follow my hot mess of a Twitter page. @Kaits_Corner  
> Also, I have a hot mess of a tumblr page now too. @kaitscorner


	6. Chapter 6

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Nines deals with the aftermath of Gavin’s death.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So, because the responses for this fic are overwhelmingly positive, and because I can defs be bribed with comments and kudos (and art, just to put that out there), I decided to post a chapter early!   
> Not that it’s much of a treat. But we get through this, we’re finally through the worst of it, so, that’s a win, I guess?

_ “Gavin, I…” _

_ “What’s up, Nines?” _

_ “I just want you to know…you make me really happy.” _

 

***

 

Officer Miller stops by his desk in the morning to offer his condolences. Fowler, even, tells him he’s sorry for Gavin’s loss.

Everybody is sorry.

Connor looks like he desperately wants to say something to him, but he can’t seem to find the right words. Hank avoids looking him in the eye.

So Nines sits at his desk, hands steepled under his chin. He looks at no-one. He talks to no-one.

There’s nothing to say.

 

***

 

They decide it’s best that Connor interrogates Wilkes. Nines hasn’t moved from his desk all morning, possibly stayed there since the doctors delivered the crushing news.

Connor wants to talk to him, but, what does he say?

Instead, he focuses on cracking Wilkes.

The minute he walks into the room, Wilkes snarls at him.

“Get the fuck away from me, plastic!” he shouts.

“Your charges include murder now, Nathan.” Connor tells him coolly. He sits across from him, laces his fingers together on the table.

“What are you talking about? I never killed anyone.”

“Gavin passed away this morning.” Connor pulls the casefile over to him, opening it up and placing the pictures in front of him. “Because of the wounds you inflicted on him.” Wilkes looks up at him, shocked. Connor merely raises an eyebrow at him.

He’s…he’s  _ angry _ . He’s angry for Gavin, for Nines. Angry that their life together was cut short by the piece of filth in front of him.

“You stabbed him  _ sixteen times! _ ” irrational mission objectives flutter through his vision, and he forces them away. “You tortured him. Branded him, whipped him, raped him, even when he begged you to stop.” Connor stands up, towering over Wilkes. 

“I…I loved him!” Wilkes shouts back. “I never meant to hurt him!”

“You were obsessed with him!” Connor challenges. “You didn’t care if he was hurt or not, you just wanted him to belong to you!”

“Stop!”

“That’s not love, Nathan.” Connor tells him. He places several pictures in front of him. “We found these in your car. All of them of Gavin, correct? At work, in his apartment, even on dates. Voyeurism, rape, torture, and now murder.” He sits back down. “All you need to do is admit it.”

Connor stares him down until, quietly, Wilkes confesses.

Connor wishes he was satisfied with that.

“Good job.” Hank claps his back as they meet in the hallway. Connor nods silently.

A confession won’t bring Gavin back. And something about that makes his thirium pump squeeze uncomfortably in his chest. Nines would never get to see him again, never get to marry him, or even raise kids with him if that’s what they’d wanted.

Connor never liked Gavin, that much is true, but he loves Nines. So he mourns, if not for Gavin, then for his brother.

 

***

 

Nines detests funerals, he decides. He doesn’t quite expect the  _ pain _ in his chest as he watches them lower the casket into the ground. It’s raining, and he forgoes the umbrella he’s offered. It feels right somehow, the droplets soaking through his dress uniform.

Connor stands next to him, face impassive, hands clasped behind him. Hank, next to Connor, hasn’t said a word. Officer Chen openly cries, mourns her best friend. Officer Miller holds an umbrella over over his wife and himself, baby Damien fussing, his mood affected by the somber and grim atmosphere.

Nines notes with some surprise that Markus shows up, with the other key members of Jericho. Even North, though she expressed her hatred for Gavin many,  _ many _ times. Nines supposes she came for him. Oddly enough, though her trust in Connor is shaky at best, Nines considers her a…friend. A good friend, really. He may not open up to her as much as he opened up to Connor, or to Gavin, but…North is good.

She finds him after the funeral, offers a tiny, sad smile.

“I’m really sorry for your loss.” She says sincerely. “He…he wasn’t a great guy, but I know how important he was to you.” Nines nods at her.

“Thank you.” 

“We’ll wait for you.” Simon tells him. “If you want a ride back to New Jericho.”

“No, it’s fine.” Nines replies. “I’d prefer to walk.”

“It’s pouring outside…” Josh murmurs.

“We understand.” Markus interjects. “See you later, Nines.”

One by one, people leave. Even Hank and Connor leave him there, alone.

Nines is not alright. He’s not sure he ever will be.

 

***

 

“I just wish he’d  _ talk _ to me.” Connor says. He sits with Markus, in his art studio. Markus keeps his eyes closed as he paints, something Connor’s always silently marveled at.

It’s been two weeks since the funeral. Nines has done nothing but throw himself into his work. He won’t speak to anyone, barely even looks at anyone. 

“Maybe talking isn’t what he needs.” Markus offers. “Maybe he just needs to mourn quietly, by himself.”

“That’s just the thing.” Connor sighs. “All he does is work. He doesn’t even leave the station. North has been taking care of Cleo. I’m not sure he’s even letting himself mourn. He’s not even letting himself feel  _ sad _ , Markus.” Connor scrubs a hand over his face, another human gesture he’d learned from Hank. “I just…don’t want him to deny what he’s feeling.”

“I agree that it’s unhealthy to bottle things in. Though, denial is one of the stages of grief.” Markus muses. He sets his paintbrush down and turns to Connor, wiping his hands on a cloth. “Have you tried speaking to him, Connor?”

“I mean, yeah.”

“I mean directly. Not just prompting him and beating around the bush.”

“Not really…”

“Heh. And here I thought you were blunt by nature.”

“You and Hank are literally always reprimanding me about tact!”

“That much is true.” Markus nods. “But remember, Nines is a lot like you, Connor. He might only respond to someone being direct with him. Don’t try to be sympathetic with him, he probably hates it.”

“Yeah…” Connor nods. “I guess that makes more sense.”

“And who knows.” Markus shrugs. “Maybe he’ll talk to you when he’s ready.”

 

***

 

Nines stops by Gavin’s apartment, still in a state of disarray. He’s unsure why he stopped here in the first place. Some part of him thought ( _ hoped, needed _ ) Gavin might jump out from the closet, telling him that this was all some elaborate, cruel prank.

He doesn’t.

Instead, Nines cleans up the apartment.

He pulls the bookshelf back up to where it belongs. He carefully organizes each book the way Gavin had them before. He rights the coffee table, and sweeps up the cat food. He goes into the bedroom, and he makes the bed.

He pauses at Gavin’s closet. His favorite jacket still hangs there, untouched for at least three or so weeks. He reaches out, runs his fingers down the sleeve. Without a second thought, he gently pulls it off the hanger, brings it up to his face.

It smells of cigarettes, of cheap cologne and coffee. It smells…it smells like Gavin.

Nines doesn’t know how he ends up laying in Gavin’s bed, breathing in the scent of the man he loved, but…he’s not so sure he wanted to get up if he could.

 

***

 

“Connor? You okay there?” Connor looks up from his spot curled up on the couch with Sumo, to see Hank with his eyebrows furrowed in concern. He’s holding a mug of tea, and Connor counts it as a win that it’s not a beer or the bottle of Black Lamb.

Connor nods. He thinks a bit. He shakes his head.

“No?”

“No.” Connor pulls at the loose threads of his (Hank’s) DPD sweatshirt as the couch dips on his other side. He leans against his lieutenant, seeking the comfort and warmth of human contact.

“Tell me what’s going on, then.” Hank prompts.

“I…” Connor pauses, tries to form the words. “I don’t know what I’m feeling, exactly.” he confesses. “I’m…angry, I guess. And sad.” Connor chews on his words for a second. “Bitter, I guess would be a better word.” He closes his eyes, leans into the hand carding through his hair. “It just hit me ho-how  _ unfair _ this all is.”

“What do you mean?”

“I just…I never liked Gavin. He was an asshole, brash and rude all the time, but, Nines…Nines loved him. Still loves him, honestly. And I know that Gavin loved him too. He was still so  _ young _ . He only just turned thirty eight a while ago. He and Nines…they had a whole life ahead of them.” Connor finds himself gripping at Hank’s shirt, curiously noting that his vision blurs slightly. “They were going to get married. Spend a life together. And now, because of that-that absolute monster, they never get to, and I  _ hurt _ . I hurt for them, for Nines. I don’t understand what this is.”

“Empathy.” Hank tells him. He gently cups his chin, thumbing away the tears Connor hadn’t noticed, even when they started to fall. “Because you love Nines, you’re able to put yourself in his shoes.” Hank presses a whiskery kiss to his forehead. “You’re a very empathetic person Connor, believe it or not.”

“…empathy sucks.” Connor pouts. Hank lets out a laugh at that.

“Yeah. Emotions suck in general. But it’s better than living without them, I guess.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Me @ Me: delete ur account. 
> 
> Follow me on my trashfire of a Twitter! @Kaits_Corner  
> There’s also a trashfire of a tumblr too: @kaitscorner
> 
> The day I learn how to put links in on this damn website is the day I fight David Cage to the death.


	7. Chapter 7

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Nines begins to heal, little by little.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Okay, I told y'all we were through the worst of it!  
> What, did you think that because I posted early today, that I'd miss my scheduled posting time? Never. Y'all get two chapters for August 19th, and I'm very proud of myself.  
> Jk I hate myself for this fic every day.

_“Nines?”_

_“Yeah?”_

_“I…”_

_“What is it, Gavin?”_

_“Just…hold me for a bit?”_

 

***

 

“I’d like to talk to you, if that’s okay.” Nines looks up from his terminal at Connor. His brother’s soft edges are gone, replaced by Connor the negotiator, the Connor that could lead armies.

“Sure.”

Connor leads him outside, and Nines notes with some interest that he seems stiffer than normal.

“So what’s up?” Nines finally asks.

“Why are you shutting yourself off?”

Well. No sugarcoating it then. Nines is nearly caught off guard.

“I don’t know what you mean.”

“Yes, you do, Nines.” Connor sighs. “I understand if you need some time to process, I do. It’s barely been two weeks, after all. But throwing yourself into your work, trying to pretend you feel nothing at all, that’s a dangerous, unhealthy game.”

“Connor.” Nines warns.

“I’m sorry.” Connor holds his hands up. “I just don’t want you to deny what you’re feeling. Gavin wouldn’t want you to-,”

“You don’t know the first thing about what Gavin would have wanted!” Nines snaps. “He wouldn’t want me to mope around all the time, I know that much!”

“I’m not suggesting that!” Connor snaps back. He takes a deep breath, closing his eyes briefly. “I admit that Gavin and I weren’t close. Hell, we hated each other. But wasn’t he always telling you to stop denying what you feel? Haven’t I always told you that?” Nines doesn’t know what to say, not to that. “I don’t think he’d want you to throw yourself into your work. He wouldn’t want you to mope around, no, I agree with that statement. But sitting around, pretending you don’t feel anything for him, for his death, he wouldn’t have wanted that either.” Connor sighs, takes another deep breath he doesn’t need. “I’m sorry to impose, I am. Just, take some advice. Take a few days off. Process this. If you need me, you know where to find me.”

Connor takes a step, pauses, turns back to him.

“And, Nines.” he places a hand on Nines’ shoulder. “I’m sorry. I really am. I know how much you love him.” and with that, he turns on his heel and goes back inside. Nines tries not to dwell on the fact that Connor had said _love_ , as in present tense, and not _loved_.

And he’s right. Nines loves Gavin, and he probably always will.

 

***

 

Connor counts it as a success when Nines walks into the station, right into Fowler’s office, and back out several minutes later, nodding to Connor on his way out the door.

 

***

 

Nines finds himself back in Gavin’s apartment, once again. He takes in the smells, the subtle sounds. He opens the windows just a crack to listen to the sounds of distant thunder, just as Gavin used to do. He sits on the couch for a few minutes. When he finds he can’t handle that, he heads back to the bedroom to lay down.

He can’t handle that, either.

For several minutes he racks his brain, several illogical mission directives popping up here and there. One, in particular, piques his interest. He doesn’t even know where the thought comes from, where he even gets the idea, but there, clear as day, is,

_New Objective: Take a Shower._

A…shower? Why would he take a shower? He doesn’t sweat, so why? The only times he had seen Gavin take them without clear reason was when he was stressed, or-

Oh. _Oh._

No harm in it, Nines supposes. So, he heads to the bathroom. He strips down, turns the water on to the perfect temperature, and steps under the spray.

The effect is…nice. The water cascading down his body. It warms him in a way he shouldn’t even want, let alone need. But this…he can see why it’s relaxing.

He feels…he _feels_. That’s the only way of putting it. With nothing to focus on except the water, with no need to wash his hair or his body, his thoughts drift endlessly to Gavin. Gavin’s smile, his laugh, the way he only trusted Nines, the way he bitched and moaned when his blood sugar was too high or too low. The way he moaned underneath Nines, the way it felt to hold him in his arms.

Nines braces his arms against the shower wall and, for the first time in weeks, he allows himself to cry.

 

***

 

It’s several days later that Connor opens the door to find Nines standing there, his face betraying everything he felt. The hurt, the betrayal, the anger and the grief.

“I…” is all Nines can get out before Connor ushers him into the house.

“Sit down.” Connor urges, plopping him on the sofa. Sumo whines, noses at Nines’ leg. Connor waits with bated breath as Nines gathers his thoughts, LED rapidly spinning yellow as he idly rubs Sumo’s ear. When it becomes clear that Nines isn’t going to say anything anytime soon, Connor busies himself in the kitchen, only emerging when the cup of tea is heated to perfection, just a dab of honey to sweeten it.

He walks back out to Nines, still processing what he wants to say, steaming mug of tea in hand.

“I…what’s that?”

“Earl Grey I believe.”

“No, I mean. Why? We don’t consume anything.”

“No, but we can safely ingest up to forty four ounces of non-thirium fluid. Plus, it’s soothing.”

Nines hesitates for a moment, before accepting the mug. Connor sits opposite him on the couch, determined to give him all the time he needs. He simply picks up a book that Markus let him borrow and lets himself absorb the words, keeping a watchful eye on his brother.

It’s only after Nines has finished the tea that he turns to Connor, LED still flashing yellow.

“I…” his face twists in what can only be described as anguish. “I don’t know how to say…” he trails off, but Connor understands. He sets the book down, reaches his arm out.

“Then show me.”

Haltingly, Nines reaches forward, skin peeled back, and grasps Connor’s hand.

And Connor sees it all, _feels_ it all.

Sees the sleepy mornings filled with lazy kisses, the breathless nights spent in a haze of lust and need. He sees the affectionate days off, spent on the couch reading books. Mostly he sees Gavin as Nines saw him, beautiful, volatile and tumultuous, but altogether wonderful. He sees the Gavin that’s weak for cats, a sucker for babies. He sees the Gavin that shamelessly loves a good romance novel.

Connor…feels the love that Nines had for him, still has for him. Feels the warmth of those mornings, feels the desire of those nights. He feels the calm happiness of those days off. He feels the pure, unadulterated love and joy for all of the things Gavin was.

And he feels the pain for all of the things Gavin never will be again, and will never have the chance to be.

Connor realizes with a jolt that he shares that pain, already did even before they shared their memories. As they disconnect, Connor is hit with the fact that there’s so many experiences Nines would miss out on, without Gavin. Would never know what it would be like to be his husband, would never know what it’s like to raise kids with him. Maybe, _maybe_ , he can experience that with someone new, if he’s able to move on, but…

Gavin will never know. Gavin will never get to know what a great husband Nines would be, he’d never get to know what a great father he’d be.

That…that’s rather crushing, in its reality.

Nines is crying, he realizes. His shoulders are shaking, he’s biting into his hand hard enough that thirium oozes out.

Without a second thought, Connor reaches for him, grabs him by his shirt, does the first thing he can think of: he hauls him into a hug.

The dam breaks, and, to be honest, it’s…surreal. He’s seen Nines cry, yes, but never quite like this. No, not like this at all. Nines sobs into his chest, shoulders heaving, breath coming in desperate, shuddering gasps. Connor’s sweatshirt is soaked in the thirium based lubricant that acts as tears, but he finds he doesn’t mind.

It’s all he can do to hold his brother, gently pet his hair, rub his back as soothingly as he’s able. He doesn’t tell Nines that it’ll be alright, because it won’t be. Nothing will bring Gavin back, but…

He can at least try to help carry the hurt.

 

***

 

In the end, Nines decides to just sell Gavin’s apartment. He has no next of kin for anything to go to, his parents dead, sister yet again in rehab, so it all goes to Nines by default.

“You’re sure about this?” Connor asks him gently. Nines can only nod.

“Yes, I…”

_‘I can’t live here, not with his ghost around every corner.’_ he wants to say. He doesn’t.

Connor understands anyway.

 

Most of the boxes end up stacked in his room at New Jericho. Things he didn’t know what to do with, didn’t know if he wanted to let go of yet.

“I don’t mean to intrude…” Markus says from the doorway. Nines looks up from where he’s sorting Gavin’s books with North. “But, ever since Carl passed away, I…” he shrugs, clears his throat. “It helps to visit his grave sometimes. Just, you know, a thought.” Markus offers a small smile. “I’ll let you get back to it.”

He’s gone before Nines can thank him.

“Oh, hey, I love this book!” North exclaims suddenly, holding up Gavin’s treasured copy of _Looking for Alaska_. Cleo lounges lazily on her lap, purring contentedly. Nines glances up, noting the soft smile as she flips through the pages, taking in the underlined and highlighted portions.

“Gavin did, too.” Nines tells her, allowing himself the smallest of smiles. North, though she never liked Gavin, allows herself to smile a bit more, too.

“Well. He certainly had good taste.”

Nines hesitates for a second, before he blurts out,

“You should keep it.”

“Wait, seriously?”

“Yeah.” Nines nods. “I know you thought he was a prick, and you made yourself scarce every time I brought him around, but he always kinda liked you. Always said you were someone he could vibe with, under different circumstances. And who knows. Maybe you’ll have some insight into his personality.”

North stares at him, and if she still had her LED, Nines knows it would be flashing yellow.

“I…thanks, Nines. I guess he was alright.”

From North, that’s high praise.

 

“I know it’s evidence, but I thought you’d like this back.”

Connor holds out the ring Nines had given up on seeing again. When he makes no move to take it back, Connor grabs his hand, places it in his palm, and curls his fingers around it. He leaves without another word.

Nines wears it on a chain around his neck.

 

At some point, Nines elects to read _Sunshine_. Gavin always said that Constantine reminded him of Nines, and, to be honest, Nines can see where he’s coming from. As far as vampire stories go, it’s much better than the cringe-worthy teen dramas that became wildly popular in the late 2000’s. Nines finds he rather likes it.

And, a few times, he’d adjust his optical units just so, and wear Gavin’s reading glasses as he absorbed the words on the page.

 

Eventually, Nines takes Markus’ advice. It’s been months, since Gavin passed, and it’s weird to see his name etched onto a tombstone. Even weirder to see his age, still so damn young, etched there too.

Nines kneels in front of it. Perhaps he should have brought something, but Gavin had always thought bringing flowers to a grave was horribly cliché. So he came empty handed. He doesn’t know what to do. Just sit there and…stare at it?

He decides that talking wouldn’t be a bad idea.

“Hey, Gavin.” Nines clears his throat a bit. “I doubt you can actually hear me, wherever you are, but I guess this is worth a shot, yeah? Um, I don’t actually really know what to say? But, I…I miss you.” Nines swallows, a purely cosmetic feature when he’s not throwing back thirium or the tea he’s come to love. “I…really miss you. It’s, well. It’s really hard here, without you. Every day, I…I feel like a piece of me is missing? Like…I don’t know, Gavin. It’s like…my heart, it’s like it never really belonged to me. Like it belonged to you, and…and like you’ll always have it.” Nines takes a deep breath, forces the tears away.

“I love you.” He says. “More than anything. And, I…I think I always will. Sometimes it feels like you’re still with me, somehow. And it hurts,” Nines doesn’t understand why his voice wavers, staticky, at that. “It hurts knowing I can’t hold you in my arms again. And sometimes it feels like I’m never going to make it through this, make it through my life without you there beside me. But, I’m willing to try, Gavin. I’m going to try because I know you would’ve wanted me to. At least, I think I do, I dunno.”

It continues on like this, for a while. Every chance Nines gets, he visits Gavin, tells him how his day went, tells him what’s new in his life. Sometimes, it feels like Gavin answers him back. In the sound of the leaves crinkling in the breeze, in the sound of rustling in the grass. It helps; Nines doesn’t know how, but it helps.

And eventually, he starts allowing himself to heal.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Just the epilogue left! I'll see you tomorrow!  
> (Also the epilogue is like 90% memes I'm not sorry)
> 
> FoLlOw Me On TwItTer: [ @Kaits_Corner](https://twitter.com/Kaits_Corner)  
> aLsO oN tUmBlR: [ @kaitscorner](https://kaitscorner.tumblr.com/)


	8. Epilogue

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I feel like I kinda goofed this? I needed some comedic relief from this roller coaster of emotions, so some of the characters come across as OOC but we're going with it. It's kinda short, but...meh? We're definitely going with it.
> 
> Y'all ready?

-1 YEAR LATER-

 

“I feel ridiculous.” Nines mutters. He adjusts the stupid bowtie on his neck. Connor smiles softly up at him.

“Well, you look great. Bowties are cool.”

“Speak for yourself. You get to wear the trench coat.” Nines murmurs.

“Hey, I offered to dress up as Eleven.”

“Nah.” Nines shrugs. “The David Tennant look suits you.”

“Plus, you get the cooler sonic screwdriver.”

“That much is true, yes.”

They walk through the doors of New Jericho, the Halloween party already in full swing.

“Aw, you guys look adorable!” North throws an arm around each of their shoulders. She’s dressed, rather brilliantly, as Catwoman.

“Uh, correction.” Connor teases. “I’m not adorable, I’m the Oncoming Storm.”

“Whatever, doofus.” North rolls her eyes affectionately. Nines is pleased to note that their friendship isn’t as strained as it used to be. Possibly for Nines’ sake.

“Also, let me find out you roped Markus into being Batman, I swear to rA9.”

“You’re welcome, then.” North smirks. “Simon is The Joker, of all things, and somehow we convinced Josh to be Nightwing? Shame we couldn’t convince you to be Superman this year.” Connor rolls his eyes.

“Why does everyone say that?”

“Because you pretty much are Superman.” Nines steps in, shrugging. “You protecc but you also attacc.”

“That meme is  _ way _ too outdated.” North giggles. 

“And so is ‘oof’ but that never seems to stop you.”

“Oof, true.”

“Both of your memes are outdated and unoriginal, goodbye.” Connor chuckles.

“And how would you know?” North challenges playfully.

“You’ve met my boyfriend.”

“ _ True _ .” North and Nines say in unison.

“Hank is definitely the memelord.” Nines nods.

“Hank is best human to be honest. Literally, the only human I can stand to be around.”

“Yeah.” Connor sighs. “He’s pretty great.”

“Ew, go sit over there with all your lovesick crap.” North gives him a playful shove, and Connor petulantly sticks his tongue out at her before going off to find Markus. “Soo…” North starts. “What’s up, you depressed piece of shit?” 

Nines huffs out a snort.

“Have I mentioned just how much I hate you?”

“Love you too, Nines. But seriously, how’ve you been?”

“Alright…” Nines hesitates. “Some days are better than others. But like, there’s other days where Connor will say or do something ignorant, or just make an ass of himself in general, and I’ll look to my right and expect Gavin to make some biting remark, and then suddenly, I remember, and it really kind of hurts.”

In a way, Nines is glad he opens up to North. She’s become a close confidant, and, honestly, his best friend.

The girl in question simply nods.

“You’ll have that, I guess. It’s still kind of fresh, I’m assuming.”

“Yeah, it is.” he nods. “But, I don’t know. It’s almost…refreshing? That sounds bad. I just…it hurts right now, but it makes me feel more…human, in a way, I guess. More alive.”

“Nothing bad about feeling alive.”

Nines finds that lately, he agrees with that more than anything.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> And that's the end! Wow, can't believe it's been a whole week already! Thank you everyone for sticking with this even after I tore your hearts out and stomped on them repeatedly.  
> Special thanks to oW who commented on every single chapter, and to @UncannyPrincess, who's currently working on art for this fic! Make sure to check her out on deviant art, at [ himegirl15](https://www.deviantart.com/himegirl15)  
> Also, shoutout to GavinDeservedBetter, I cried laughing when I saw the name.  
> Stay tuned! I have a (not depressing, don't worry) surprise in the makings!
> 
> Follow me on Twitter! [ @Kaits_Corner](https://twitter.com/Kaits_Corner)  
> Also, tumblr [ @kaitscorner](https://kaitscorner.tumblr.com/)


End file.
